Friday, June 26, 2009

Just a matter of time....

Childhood carried all the innocent fun that has silently slipped off our hands. The distant sound of the bell of the ice cream wala, the evening bell everyday at school, DD music at the dinner hour, power shut down when you have 4 home works to submit the next day at school, being kicked out of the bed by your sister (this one is specific to me though;) ), the honk of your father's vehicle (escpecially if you are a daughter), crackers shopping the day before diwali....all these seem distant now. Time never gives you a forewarning does it?! We never knew it would be taken away from us so soon...and with all these small things that have managed to makes us happy for 20-odd years faded the innocence and the purity of the human heart.
All the while we traded being silly to be mature, being what we are to have socially acceptable etiquette, enjoying the moment to be planned ahead of time, taking things lightly to being responsible..and we never realized that no matter what the compromises we made would have to faced later in life....we never understood that innocence and childhood were given to us for a reason...
As a child, I thought having an "office job" was cool. You just have to go at 9 and be back at 5. Then Math and Biology were more dreadful. As the freshness fades...the failures, setbacks,struggles...not only to succeed but also to survive are becoming more evident. Its like a distant sight of moon....very pleasant,endearing...but little do we think of the craters.
And as childhood wanes there is something awaiting you...and there it comes with a bang! And the beginning of adulthood is marked by a few common things....
Fear of failure...the drive to perform (either from within or from outside) and the realities of life strike you hard. More often than not it is a necessity to survive rather than to better your life. The things at stake become huge...and so does the need to stay successful.
Uncertainty of the future..this is an inevitable feeling. On a given day you could be content...but never can you step ahead a few steps in life and be assertive of where you might be...
Social obligations which supercede personal preferences. This is universal...and of course Indians can relate more to it. You are no longer the child. You become the society and in spite of holding very strong opinions for/against certain things as a teenager, you find yourself either contradicting yourself, not expressing your opinion in order to conform to the crowd, not interested to express because you think your opinion doesn't change anything or just turning blind/deaf to the society.
Desperation and helplessness...This is my personal favorite and the most stinging. As kids, we dreamt of what our lives would be. There are two main things...the dream of what you will be professionally and who will be with you personally. The feminine gender has loads of its own...the dream wedding, the dream house etc., Coming back to where we were..adulthood takes you to places you never imagined of (both literally and figuratively). Geographic, interpersonal distances are the hallmark symptoms of adulthood. You can no longer do what you want to...Bu this I do not mean stifling your passions like you know learning dance or something. Am talking stuff that matter...your best friend's wedding, loss of your grand dad, going back home to mom's curd rice, your family reunion....things you would not have missed otherwise. Things that could have not been procrastinated, things that will not return, things that can make you feel like you were floating at that moment. Helplessness in that regard is the best form of torture you can dictate upon your enemy...
All you kids in schools and colleges right now...remember! Biology finals and Maths homework are any day better than soul searching and retrospection. Well...I know nobody will listen...
As they say...it is just a matter of time.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

Perfectly put in words, those things you had within ... But I would not accept a few things here and there... But who cares, its your blog, its your opinion, its your flowing thoughts !

A good return after a pathetic start ! ;)

krithika said...

you know i always wanted to be a lawyer. i went ahead and gave life to all my acting before the mirror!! this may sound extremely childish but the reason why i wanted to do law is to be a lawyer- i would see every court scene (i only used to see/like that part. i used to tell my mom to call me when such scenes come) in a movie and then march to my room, wrap myself with a black dupatta and make a scroll out of paper and argue vehemently before the mirror. i always thought having the licence to shout out things was cool! that may have been the reason why i chose law but now i have other plans with law and thanks to all my immature fantasies!